Clinton Wasted an Opportunity

I'm going to preface this post with a disclaimer: my point of view is ignorant and uninformed. So there you go.

Now that we've gotten that out of the way, let's proceed to my opinion on the whole "American journalists detained in North Korea" story, a tense and delicate diplomatic situation which apparently was resolved today by Secretary of State Hillary former President Bill Clinton. It seems ol' Slick Willie has built up a good reputation in North Korea, and might be the most influential American we could have sent over there. So kudos to Bill for braving the treacherous journey deep into the heart of a nation ruled by one of the most fearsome and dangerous leaders of our time in order to negotiate a peaceful solution to an international crisis.

Now I'm a relatively apolitical guy, and provincial enough not to follow world news too closely. But as far as I can tell, North Korea belongs in the "bad guys" column, and Kim Jong Il is one scary man, with all of his saber-rattling and his nuclear program development. He sounds like a classic James Bond villain, if you ask me. Power-hungry, egomaniacal, and very controlling. Couldn't you see him capturing James Bond and, instead of killing him, explaining to him his most detailed plans of how he intends to take over the world? He's in that mold, at least in my imagination. For all I know, he's actually a really nice guy. But I'm not giving him the benefit of the doubt. I'm going with my gut here.

So there's Kim Jong Il, threatening that North Korea has nuclear power and isn't afraid to use it on the U.S. or whoever stands in their way. And here we've got our ace in the hole, Bill Clinton, a smooth-talking salesman who could charm the pants off a nun, fearlessly traveling to meet the big villain himself, mano-a-mano. And when they finally get together in Pyongyang over a cup of tea, what do they talk about? A couple of silly girls who got caught breaking a very simple rule: KEEP OUT.

Isn't that pretty much what happened with Laura Ling and Euna Lee? They're a couple of novice journalists who recklessly and irresponsibly flouted some clear ground rules, played at being the "intrepid reporters" who bravely laugh in the face of real danger to chase the big story at significant personal risk -- probably more for their own glory than for any real altruistic motive to get "the real story", if you want my best guess.  I don't think they're even disputing that they did something wrong. Basically, they just got caught breaking the rules.

So Ling and Lee are stuck in jail, literally. And they need daddy to come and bail them out. Those two yahoos basically forced the U.S. to play its trump card, Bill freaking Clinton, rescuing their sorry little tushes instead of saving him for something a little more useful, like say ... preventing nuclear war. Preserving international peace. Saving millions of lives? Something along those lines.

And you know what gets my goat? They'll probably come home to a hero's welcome. They'll probably do the talk show circuit, write gripping autobiographies that millions of Americans will eat up, and parlay this colossal blunder into long and prosperous journalistic careers. Probably get their own shows like that Greta van Susteren, who parlayed her commentaries during the OJ Simpson farce -- OJ Simpson! -- into a full-fledged career in "journalism" with her own TV show and everything. Every time I see her crooked mouth and mousy hair on CNN it makes me want to throw up. How does covering OJ Simpson's three-ring circus ... ? Bah, never mind. I think I just came up with an idea for another post.

Ling and Lee work for Current TV, and that station was co-founded by Al Gore. So Bill basically did Al a personal favor to get him out of this public relations nightmare. Good for him, and lucky for them. If I were Laura Ling or Euna Lee, I would be embarrassed and ashamed for what I did, requiring a man as significant and influential as Bill Clinton to fly to the other side of the planet to save my sorry ass, possibly squandering my country's biggest asset in the struggle to keep North Korea in its place and prevent nuclear disaster. If I were them, I would hope to god that coming to rescue me was a smokescreen, a cover for Bill Clinton to meet privately with Kim Jong Il and talk about something more important than my misbehavior. But he probably didn't. So much for that.