Who's Going to Clean My Apartment?

Janelle and I are in a bit of a pickle. You see, a couple of weeks before Marcus was born, we decided we needed a thorough cleaning of the house in preparation for his arrival, so we found through a friend a housekeeper whom we'll call "Juanita". Juanita came for the first time back in April. And she did such a bang-up job that we decided to ask her to come once a week after the initial cleaning, just to keep things tidy since we'd be busy learning how to be parents soon. I don't know how much we pay her, but I'm pretty sure it's a competitive rate.

Juanita dusts all the corners we never got to in three years of living in this apartment. She mops the wood floors in the living room and kitchen, vacuums the wall-to-wall carpeting in our two bedrooms, and leaves our 2.5 bathrooms sparkling clean once a week. She'll do the laundry when it's piled so high that it's embarrassing (even though we've told her she doesn't need to), and once even reorganized our closets and dresser drawers. We've gotten so used to her, we pretty much make as much of a mess as we want because we know Juanita will clean it up for us every Thursday. We rely on Juanita; we depend on her showing up every week, and at this point it certainly feels like we need her. Pathetic, isn't it? She spoils us rotten.

She usually shows up on time, doesn't need any direction, and works efficiently and thoroughly. Well last Thursday, Juanita never showed up. Seemed kind of odd, but whatever. Maybe her kids got sick or something happened. House was a little messier than usual this week, but we knew she'd show up this Thursday. Well she didn't show up this week either. And not a word from her. We called her house, and the phone number was disconnected. It worked before, but now it doesn't work. Uh-oh.

We figure she got deported or something terrible. Juanita isn't from this country, though I don't know where she's actually from because I never asked. But she doesn't speak a lick of English, so usually I just use my broken Spanish to communicate with her. At this point, we're not expecting her to show up ever again. If she does, we'll be pleasantly surprised. But two weeks in a row of no show and a disconnected phone line pretty much tells me she's hit the road.

Now our house is a mess. There's countertops that need wiping, cat litter tracked across the hardwood floors, hair all over the bathroom (all Janelle's, thank you very much), and I think some mold is starting to grow in our shower. And I never realized how quickly dust accumulates in a Manhattan apartment. My god, it's only been two weeks! Janelle and I stare at each other on a daily basis, wondering which one of us is going to blink first and reach for the vacuum cleaner. So far, it's a tie. I think we're going into sudden death.

We should allow illegal immigrants to stay here. I mean, if they're willing to work for less pay or do the jobs that you and I don't want to do, they definitely have a place here. Yeah, they're stealing our jobs and driving the wages down for average joes, blah blah blah. The reality is, Americans are overpaid and do a crappy job anyway. They take too many breaks, have too many excuses, and expect too many perks. I have a message for you, Average Joe: you overestimate your value to society. You think you deserve more than you do. People from other countries come here, and they're willing to do the same work as you for less money. In most cases, they do a better job than you do because they work harder and pay closer attention. And for a lot of them, they're willing to do jobs you consider beneath you.

Illegal immigrants work in your fields, wash your cars, and cook your Chinese food. They're nannies, and housekeepers, and mechanics, and cab drivers. They make delivery possible in Manhattan, and that is no small feat. Delivery is maybe the single greatest thing about living in New York City; you can get anything delivered, from dinner to groceries to office supplies to McDonald's -- hell, even drugs -- right to your door. You can thank illegal immigrants for all of that. And if you still think illegal immigrants should get out of this country, then I only have one question for you:

Do *you* want to come clean my apartment once a week for me?